Friday, May 4, 2012

Wagon? What wagon?

That's a wagon.  And I feel like I have fallen off of it.  I think I could say, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

I know I could get right back on the wagon.  I can choose to refocus my mind and get back on track to being healthy.  But I don't want to right now.  I just don't.  It feels too easy to slip back into bad habits. 

And I'm telling myself that I haven't done "that bad", that I haven't been "off" for too long.  And in reality, it really hasn't been "THAT" bad.  Just dinner last night.  And lunch today.  And dinner tonight.  And I have the strong DESIRE to do some more POOR eating NOW.  DUMB.  NO.  But...

I have reasons, excuses, etc.  I was eating out and "couldn't" make a better/healthier choice.  I was busy and didn't have time to go for a walk.  Yep, I have my excuses.

Why are old habits so hard to break?  Even when I've been doing "well" for a long while, why do the poor eating habits and laziness come back?  Why?  Why?  Why?  UGH! 

It's a cycle.  I decide to do well.  I make changes.  There are bumps in the road.  I don't make the conscious decision to do well.  And then I make BAD CHOICES.  I feel BAD and GUILTY about making those bad choices and feel physically sick from eating the c.r.a.p. and am without energy to DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.  So I keep making poor choices and spiral down even more.  Terrible.

I guess I'm not alone though.     Life happens.  People make mistakes.  I've made mistakes.  I guess getting "over it" is admitting you've made mistakes, forgiving yourself for it, and moving on.  Catching back up to the wagon and getting BACK ON IT.  Buckling yourself all snug and hanging on for the ride.  I guess?  Let's try...

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